I debated over posting this because it is a public blog, but I can't get it off my mind, and this is the closes thing I have to a journal.  I usually try to keep this light, but I really feel the need to get this off my chest.

Last Friday a man from my high school graduating class was killed in a horrible accident.  Although I wasn't close to him, he married the sister of one of my very good friends.  She's such a strong person and seems to handle everything that comes her way with such grace.  I am so proud to call her my friend, and I am so sorry that this happened to her family.  I don't want to say anything else here about the family because the words feel shallow compared to what I'm feeling.

I have had a rock in my stomach these past few days and don't quite know how to deal with it.  I didn't cry when I heard the news, but I was immediately sick.  Right now I can't seem to stop bawling enough to get through this post.  I am so lucky that the people I love most in the world are sleeping in the bedrooms next to me.  I want to just hold all three of them at the same time and never let them go.  I'm resisting the urge to bring Little H into our bed right now.  There are times when I get frustrated with Dan because he doesn't act the way I think he should, and I often lose patience with Little H when she throws her tantrums, but I am so lucky that I even get the opportunity to complain.  I feel like "lucky" is the most appropriate word because "blessed" implies that I did something more to deserve my lot in life.  There are so many others out there better than me, that have been through so many more trials.  "Lucky" is definitely the right word.

Dan can sometimes be (in my opinion) too critical of people we barely know, but he is the most forgiving and understanding man when it comes to dealing with the ones he loves.  He makes me laugh and also laughs at my jokes, which is just as important to me.  He is a great husband and an excellent father.  He listens to and respects my opinion, even if he doesn't agree with me, which he often doesn't.  He makes me feel loved and pretty and smart.  I honestly can't imagine myself with anyone else.  The moment I knew we were going to be together forever was the most honest moment in my life.  Even if we were to have major disagreements, I know that moment would carry me through anything.  I don't know what I would do without him and my heart is breaking to even think about it.  I love all my family and friends so much.  I'm very, very lucky.